Saying Yes to Myself

Updated: Jun 6, 2020

Pure Love Through Empowerment

    When I talk about Self Defence I get all kind of reactions on it. Some folks make fun with gestures of backing off or comments like "I rather don't mess with you then!", that is mostly guys to be fair. Many see it as something "really good to do" and others don't care at all as it is a subject that never occurred to them. Not once have I had the reaction of something broader, something I have now found in it: the expansion of Self Care.

    Yes, being able to hit and kick with the intention and ability to damage someone is badass, I agree. The ability to hit and kick with the intention to damage someone to protect  - to take care of - yourself is broader, it is LOVE. SelfLove. 

And obviously even more badass *lol*.

    I started to learn Krav Maga as it was because of a deep desire that had long lasted up to that day. From my 20's on, I had been thinking of learning how to defend myself. There were sadly enough too many reasons, I had experienced physical abuse in my childhood, my teenagehood and as a young woman. And I had a lot of emotional difficulty dealing with it and a very confused mind about sexuality. Moreover, the relationship with my body was pretty fragile and extreme. When dancing or playing soccer, I felt free in my body, one flow and I liked to push myself to the extremes. To feel me.

    I was ashamed and insecure when it came to my body shape or sexuality in my teenagehood and later confused sex with love. These can be things we have to deal with when we experienced that our physical boundaries were not acknowledged. 

     The reason why I share this with you is that it is my personal journey, and not to take assault into focus. What I describe doesn't go for everyone and you must not have experienced harassment to benefit from taking your SelfCare to learn SelfDefence. And I very deeply wish you never need to, that is even more why I am encouraging you to read on. 


 We all go out at night sometimes in the dark, we meet strangers, find ourselves in a high leveled stress situation or emotional twist in our relationships, be it personal or formal/business. With all this, that, what I am going to write about, can support you and change your life to a more solid and safer place. You will encounter situations differently, self-confident, yet most of all self-aware. Strength and Love working and standing together.


Learning techniques to defend myself nourished something inside of me. I could feel how my body started to awaken, my emotions to strengthen and my mind to soften at the same time. As a child, I didn’t have these physical skills, neither as a young person. It was as if my body had been waiting for these teachings - in line with the rest, I just explained. So indeed, actually something more than just learning skills happened while understanding that process of nourishment.


  Maybe when you read the title of this article you thought something like, ok, well. Yet there is a deeper meaning to it. It lays a significant difference in saying No, against something (or someone's actions in this case), or in saying Yes towards yourself. Think about it.

I don't want this to happen to me, or I want to be able to do this are two very different thoughts, right?


My body and I work as a team now. And as a team, I need to take care of it. I need to build strength as much as I need to provide time for rest and wellness, nutrition and tenderness.

    The practice of aggression in a safe environment allowed me to deal with my aggression and my vulnerability. I had moments in my past, where that aggression was talked down and on the contrary when it exploded uncontrolled. Many years ago when I made the decision that I would never want this to happen to me again, I shifted from being a victim to being a fighter. That simply meant that I would not let anyone come close to a potential physical threat towards me. Stretching this, this is how I acted when I got emotionally attacked or hurt. Defensive.


You see, we all can learn to be defensive. There is no doubt. We do that when we feel criticised or blamed, yet we do it as something doesn't feel aligned. That is why it is so important to find a way into learning emotional management. This is what I experienced and it took me more than a decade. No, I am still on it, if I am honest. Yet I also made that choice and learned to deal with my emotions and understand them, access and use them as a gift.


 It is more or less the same when it comes to our private physical space. We do not want anyone to enter that space unless we invited them, right? Some people just do not care. This can start with a hand on a bum, a stupid comment or the worst scenario of rape or murder. I do not want to scare you. I want to invite you. Invite you to have a moment of thought about this. Do you care about your physical safety? If your answer is yes, how do you take care of it at this moment? If your answer is no, may I ask you why not?


 This is what learning SelfDefence did for me. I can fly. I am no Superwoman, no. Taking care of myself, giving love to myself enables me to feel light and easy, prepared and flexible. And when I used to be a fighter, no going through this process of SelfDefence, I can choose to fight, yet do not need to be one anymore. And this is a daily thing! I can observe how I deal with daily challenges differently, and how much more I just spread love.


All this is, to be fair, the result of looking myself into the eye. It meant going through Emotional training, facing old wounds, sorting out my relationships, starting to empower my spiritual energy by practicing meditation, and interestingly enough practicing both Krav Maga and Yoga parallel.


About a year after having trained Krav Maga, I started to practice Yoga. My body simply said Thank you again. Balance of what we do is the key.

 It is this ability to differentiate between what is significant for what I want for myself and what is only trouble. I make conscious choices about how I act and I choose love over conflict. Yet I embrace my aggression as something wonderful, which enables me to act when I get threatened severely. It is the fire inside.


 I deeply believe that I can handle everything that comes my way. When breaking it down to see it step by step. Yes, even when a big strong person might threaten me, might got hold onto me, I am not helpless! I can work on improving my situation, making a conscious choice which card to play, one after another.


 To live is not about not getting hurt. We will get hurt, in a fight and in daily challenges. It is about focusing on your breathing and reminding yourself on your own power that lays in both, your determination (dedication to your actions/lifestyle) and in your ability to love. 

    It is about being aware that you have received the greatest gift of all: being alive. 

You are loved and embraced, 

encouraged and blessed 

by the greatest Mother of all: 


Yes, you matter.

#iameverywoman #becomunity #women4women #beyonddefence

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